Bionic woman coming to the Pass 0
Hands up if you remember the TV series 'The Six Million Dollar Man' and its spin-off series, 'The Bionic Woman'? Good thing we live in the community of Alberta's oldest residents - I see lots of hands.
Pop culture icon Lee Majors played the ultra-cool former astronaut (Steve Austin) filled with bionic implants. That all-American girl, Lindsay Wagner, played his female sidekick and former romantic interest. She too was given bionic parts that ultimately led to her very own show. (Look at me - who needs a man? I'm bionic!)
Remember the opening sequence when they rebuilt Austin? (Better, strong, faster!) After showing the crash that almost killed him, various do-dahs were shown including the flash of a bionic eye.
(As an aside, how ironic that the guy got the bionic eye and the chick got the bionic ear. Hmmm.)
Why, you might be wondering, am I taking a stroll down memory lane into classic 1970's TV?
Well, by the time you read this, I too am getting my very own version of a bionic eye.
After struggling with chronic eye problems, including glaucoma, and numerous surgeries, they've decided to implant some high-tech gizmo into my left eye.
The goal is to allow the flow of fluid inside the eye, but I said to my surgeon, hey, while you're in there, why not give me some super-hero powers like Steve and Lindsay. Being a cool, high-tech kind of guy, he gazed off in the distance for a second, then said, sure, why not?
Just think of the possibilities!
How cool it will be to see through buildings and walls! How about around corners so I'll never accidentally walk into someone who's too busy texting to watch where they're going, or worse, crash into the guy speeding in the get-away car.
I'll be the envy of the cat world as I slink around in darkness, picking out prey from the underbrush. Apparently sharks have the best underwater vision that helps them navigate like a compass. Move over fishbrain - I'll never need goggles again.
Those birds that think they're so smart, like eagles and hawks - I'll be able to snare a hare from a mile away.
When people ask, what's on the horizon, I'll actually be able to tell them!
But hey, that's small time.
Vegas will be buzzing as casino owners scratch their heads trying to figure out the system of the mysterious Canadian woman. Is she counting cards? No, she's seeing right through them! Black jack dealers beware.
How about picking up the sensors in combination locks and burglar alarms? Bank heists, jewels, and priceless pieces of artwork - nothing's safe from my new bionic eye.
Of course there could be a downside. Will my device set off metal detectors at airports? And nothing personal, but I never want to see through clothing!
So folks, I'll be gone for a while but if you have any story ideas, photos or other information, you'd like to pass on to The Promoter, please contact Curt Derbyshire at 403-614-3667 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
See you soon! And when I say, SEE you.